|
Warning! If this testimony sounds crazy, here is the reason why:
I praise my Heavenly Father and thank Him that I have the Holy Spirit and understand His mighty word! When you ask Jesus into your heart and make Him the center of your life, you too will be given this supernatural understanding and a place in heaven! Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I grew up in a Southern Baptist surrounding. My father was the associate pastor of a very large church. I was blessed to be around all my family that attended the same church. This church family was my foundation; however it was missing any teachings or practice of the baptism of the Holy Ghost or deliverance. As a result, I grew up in bondage and so did my entire family! None of us ever went through deliverance. My father was raised by an abusive alcoholic father and I can't imagine the horrors he went through, one of them watching his mother beaten very badly. My mother was raised by a mother that suffered from paranoid schizophrenia and a father that was distant and had been molesting my cousins. I have learned that without deliverance or the refusal to look at and deal with these traumas, they will just trickle down and keep on going. Now I can see when looking back, why it was so hard for me to follow Christ and live the life I want to live now – the narrow path! I do not have any bitterness towards the people in my life. As you read this please know that I have forgiven everyone. If you happen to be one of these people, I don’t want you to be troubled by my testimony. I am the MOST to blame for my life and choices. Had I been walking with the Lord, many of these events would have never happened, but these choices have shaped and taught me many things and I wouldn't change anything! My prayer is that everyone would be blessed with salvation, full healing and deliverance. I vividly remember from a very young age, up until I was a teenager, how much my father enjoyed scaring us. He just loved to sit us in front of a horror movie and later torture us. We all laughed it off because we didn’t know where these horrible traumas lead! Movies open doors to evil spirits and fear, which is the tool of Satan and not to be taken lightly. My childhood was pretty much amounted to me being stubborn and trying to prove that I was not a “preacher's kid.” I can remember causing trouble from a young age. My poor cousins and sisters followed me into mischief around the church. I was extremely mean to other kids. My sisters and I often heard my parents joking “We tried four times for a boy and never got one.” I now understand the cycle of rejection and the devastating effect when we don't deal with this problem. The book by Art Mathias, “Biblical Foundations for Freedom,” explains this in great detail. As I entered my teenage years, my sister and I really started to become “worldly.” We began to listen to hard rock, drink and sneak out. It made me appear cool to the neighborhood and school kids but I was ashamed and living a double life at church and to my family. It is an absolute MIRACLE that I am even alive to tell this story and I thank my Heavenly Father for protecting me! My younger sister and I started to be promiscuous and I remember once getting in a much older man's truck with my best friend and traveling far away to a party. I was definitely giving my guardian angels tough work. One day my father came home drunk after being out with a friend when I was 15 or 16. This was especially shocking to me since he was a pastor and my world turned upside down. We went from being in church almost every day to not attending at all at the urging of my father. I think “shock” is the only word that can describe what life was like. We went from living according to rules to doing whatever we wanted. This is when I can remember starting to have stomach pains and problems. After a few months, my dad started to brew his own beer and had me help him grow marijuana plants in one of our sheds in the backyard. My father was doing all this because of something that happened at the church and he was rejected by the main pastor and deeply hurt. My mother stood up and tried to get us back into church but dad wouldn't go and we weren't interested after all that. I was raised in a church that was filled with my grandmothers, aunts, uncles and many cousins. I hated the new church that was full of strangers. I know that my parents loved us and did the best they could, but not knowing about the full ministry of Jesus was devastating to the family. My parents worked in the church, and when we were home, very little time was spent with us. They made it literally known that their marriage came before the kids. If you are a parent, please remember that what you say to your children is very important! If you reject them in even the smallest way, they will carry that rejection with them and it will fester and become worse. It's never too late to start giving them wholesome WORDS; be sure to tell the good things about them! I still remember the rare times I was told that I was loved, smart and pretty by my father. I never knew about rejection or the bondage I was in and became involved with a much older man at my place of employment. I can't even remember most of the details of the relationship. I didn’t know what drug users looked like or the signs of someone that uses drugs. I didn't know any of his friends and believed all the lies he told me about being in college, etc. Things just got worse when I got pregnant. I told my parents about the pregnancy and the fact that I didn't want to stay with this man because I was starting to see who he really was when I met his friends and family. My dad insisted that I marry him, and the night of my wedding was the same night my parents and sisters left for a month long road trip to a far away state. I was crushed and felt completely rejected. I was so ashamed of myself that I didn't dare reach out to my huge immediate family. They would have helped me but the lies of Satan in my mind kept me in bondage. My husband decided to tell me the truth about himself on the night of our wedding, and after he got it all out, he felt better but I thought he was completely insane. I was also offered to his brother as a sexual toy! I decided that I had to get out of this situation and think fast because I was all alone. I don't remember how I did it, but miracles happen and I met an uncle of my husband that was a man of God and hid me in his house. He even bought me a plane ticket to see my parents! I was never so happy to get out of there and forever grateful to the strangers that helped me but now I was back with my family, pregnant and scared. I was still not walking with God, nor was my family for that matter. We were all struggling to make it and start over in a new state. I was able to get a divorce without my husband finding out where I was located. I did so because while I was with his uncle and waiting to fly out, he told me that he would find me and take the baby. This haunted me for years. My son is fearful since these words have been with him since the womb. I was so concerned with how to care for my son that I looked for another man to fill this role. After having just been through that trial, I wanted a man that would respect me and not be together sexually until after we were married. (Here's where unresolved rejection is NOT good). I found someone “safe.” He was someone that could provide financially and not pressure me into fornication. There was something about him that was challenging and made me obsessed with his approval of me. He was extremely judgmental of everyone, negative and somehow I just thought I was special if I was good enough for him. We were roommates who lived in separate rooms for years; then one day he bought me an engagement ring. That was it; he just bought it and gave it to me. He didn't ask for my hand in marriage or get romantic; we were just engaged. When we told his family, his sister threw a fit and said we couldn't get married until she did because she was older. I didn't argue, I just became bitter and kept it to myself. This was an especially long engagement. When we finally did get married, nothing changed. I was ready to be sexually involved but my new husband would not touch me at all. I went through a roller coaster of rejection and emotions. I tried everything to get his attention, including sterilization since he did not want children but nothing worked. I couldn't take it anymore because he wouldn't talk about anything that had to do with him or why he wouldn't be with me. If I initiated a conversation or got upset, he would give me the silent treatment for weeks. We were two years into our marriage and still had not consummated it. I was ready to leave and this finally got him into counseling. It really didn't help much because he was closed off and cold. I stayed in this loveless marriage for 14 years. We were together for 17 ½ years and I came out of it thinking that I was unlovable. It was excruciating being around his family since they were extremely negative and talked about other people all the time. I spent one summer with them to help take care of my father-in-law through his cancer therapy and I was so miserable that I developed a pretty extreme case of acid reflux. I don’t know why but they were jealous of my son and allowed my niece to do evil things to my precious child. I walked in one day and found her trying to suffocate my son. The worst part was that nobody would listen to what happened. Satan is serious about killing, stealing, and destroying. My niece was only 5 or 6 years old and I had to keep him in my sight at all times! I now see that it was this environment, the constant rejection, and the increasing bitterness I had towards this family that caused me to become so ill.
My husband's image was the most important thing to him to the detriment of our family and marriage. We both worked at a nice department store and spent all our money on clothes and fashion. It was well-known that my husband “dressed me” as my co-workers constantly told me that I looked nice and that my husband did a good job picking out my clothes. I was his little doll and he made sure people knew it. Eventually I became fed up and started to refuse to wear the ridiculously expensive clothes. The clothes didn't matter to me, and no matter what I did to please him, he never touched me sexually. I remember picking out a pair of new sneakers and he threw a fit and said, “I wasn't going to wear those ‘granola’ shoes when I was with him.” He would often say mean things to his mom and sister about their clothes. He became even more distant at my refusal, but it didn't matter, I was already rejected. I focused my energy into raising my son because I had nothing else. He was wonderful and the highlight of this dark time. I poured all my love into him. We started going back to church and he was able to attend a nice Christian school. I am happy to say that he is born again and has a foundation! All of this turmoil and rejection has affected him and continues to do so but it is my prayer that he will seek deliverance and be set free of the bondage. In that time, I met a man with a deliverance ministry and who shared some stories with me about bondage and the work he was doing. I was interested but didn’t act upon it and that is where it stayed for a long time. I didn't seek out any more information even though I thought of it often. We had a foster son near the end of the marriage. He was amazing and brought a lot of joy to my life but something was happening to my husband and not understanding how Satan really works, I could not deal with him. He was always closed off and inwardly angry but now he was starting to yell and become mean to all of us. After one of his screaming fits, I decided it was too damaging to the foster son and got him moved out as fast as possible and this is when I took a nose dive. I wanted a divorce and was happy about it but that euphoria only lasted a short while because the trauma of moving out and filing for divorce was almost too much to handle. When God says, “Cursed is the person that marries an unbeliever,” He wasn’t joking around, it is very real. Praise God, I am here today! I am now married to a wonderful man that loves the Lord and we can serve and worship God together. The dating period with my third husband was filled with sin. Kristian and I lived together and became sexually involved. I was so lonely that when I finally found someone that loved me, it was all I cared about. I even walked out on my son because he didn’t want to get a job or do anything but play video games. I was so hurt and felt like he was rejecting me too, I just couldn't see that he was hurting too. In looking back, Krisitian needed hernia surgery and had some complications from the surgery, I also got very sick and almost ended up in emergency surgery due to my stomach/intestinal problems. I had a few painful gout attacks and attribute this to being full of unforgiveness and bitterness. We eventually did get married but still lived in the world. There was a lot of ungodly music, horror movies and no God. I encouraged Kristian to start his own business and I began training to be a Reflexologist. During the course, I was given an introduction to acupressure. If I had been walking with the Lord, I would have been able to see that these things are dangerous and rooted in the occult. However, I just kept training and opened my own practice which took off and started to make a nice income. I did this for about a year and a half when I made contact with Pastor John Torell and found out why this was biblically wrong. He was the only one that contacted me after I had emailed several people looking for an answer. The Holy Spirit was guiding me the whole time; I just didn't listen and needed to hear it from someone else. During my class, my teacher had to stop and ask me a few times if I was okay. She told me to relax and said that she wasn’t teaching me a religion. Regardless, I felt it in the pit of my stomach that learning about this stuff was bad. In the last year (2013), the Lord really started to work on us. I can't remember the events that lead us to start listening to podcasts but it came about as we started to turn off the television more often. We got caught up into a documentary called “Zeitgeist.” This film was dangerous because it made so much sense that we started to question whether Jesus was real and who God was. I have to say that every time I questioned this I felt sick to my stomach and this led to a path of searching for more answers. The path became so strange and we got wrapped up in a lot of fear. We really thought that the sky was falling! Waking up was so painful because we had not been aware of anything else going on in the world. Without the foundation of Christ, it's only going to cause fear to read the news. I’m talking about the real news, not the manufactured stuff on CNN. I was scared to even breathe outside because of the geo engineering etc. One night I was thinking about how tired I was but before I could finish that thought I heard voice telling me, “You should kill yourself.” That was a wake-up call! First of all, I had never thought of killing myself, even in the most trying times of loneliness. I knew it was Satan and it frightened me! Now I know what it's like when people say they have thoughts in their head telling them to do things. Kristian and I decided to only listen to Christian programming and stumbled upon some interviews by Steve Quayle about the fallen angels. I was so fascinated that I searched for other interviews and found Shannon Davis and Omega Man online radio. He hosts pastors and speakers that talk about deliverance. This was going on for a few months and during one of the powerful deliverance prayers we actually felt demons leaving us. We started to order different books and learn about the biblical calling all Christians have and that believers in Christ can have demons. I was born with demons and they were with me even though I was a born again believer. Then we heard Pastor John Torell come on with a series of different curses found in the Bible. We listened to it over and over and were extremely interested in finding out how to break the curses in our lives! I emailed Pastor John and we talked the next day. After my conversation with Pastor John about my Reflexology/Acupressure business, I asked God to forgive me and closed it down. I had such peace about getting rid of all the books, posters and certificates that I can't describe it! I also asked God not to let any of my clients call me unless I could witness to them. Would you believe that my phone did not ring long enough for me to heal and be ready for the conversations that needed to happen. Only a few people called and I had some conversations that were well received with the people that I met through this mess.
I was convicted when I read that scripture because I do not want God to spew me out of his mouth! Kristian and I decided to go one step further and do a complete cleaning of demons. We ordered Pastor John’s book, “Christian Dynamics Course 1,” and started to work through it. It was so amazing to read through a lesson and then have the ability to talk to him afterwards. It was almost like healing to pick up the phone and hear Pastor John’s voice because here was a man living far away, who chose to minister to us purely out of love. We started to do as God commanded and got rid of all the cursed objects and renounced all ungodly holiday rituals. It was so peaceful and calm on December 25th that it was worth the pain of telling all our friends and family that we would no longer participate! We started getting rid of music, movies, pictures that had to do with ungodly holidays. All clothing that depicted anything ungodly was tossed in the trash. It got easier and easier and as the Holy Spirit led us and we became thorough in cleansing ourselves. By this time we had completed Course 1 and were ready for deliverance! I was anxious but God gave me peace about waiting. Pastor John invited us to meet with him in person and we almost didn’t come because we don't like flying or the TSA and so we almost opted for over the phone deliverance. However, I am thankful we decided to go! We booked a flight and searched for hotels with pools so my husband could be baptized. God led me to look for a bed and breakfast and I found one that was perfect. When I explained to the owner why we were coming, the Lord moved upon her and she reduced our cost by more than half of what it should have been. We spent a week with Pastor John, his wife Aina, and his brother Peter. It felt like an eternity and we did not want to leave. They spent many hours with us going through our life history. I learned a lot about myself and how the traumas of our childhood greatly impact us and our decisions. It led me to understand how Satan operates and made it very easy to forgive all the people in my life that have hurt me or I perceived were hurting me. Most importantly, I also forgave myself which is the block that most of us have and keeps us from a full relationship with our Heavenly Father. I really didn't like myself and I put up huge walls around me to show everyone that I was strong. The first step in deliverance is to identify traumas, curses which I brought upon myself and to break the ungodly soul ties from all the past relationships. The next step was the deliverance! I really thank God that he has raised up people like the Torells' to help minister the COMPLETE deliverance process. It's not worth it to spot clean these demons out; we need to commit to God wholly and let Him heal us. I am in debt to my Heavenly Father I want to help people out of their bondage and use this power that God has given us! He wants us to use it. We are not too little or small to do good in this increasingly evil world. After the demons had been cast out and I was alone, the Holy Spirit showed me the following passage:
Kristian and I have experienced a complete deliverance and healing! Things that the medical community says is incurable such as food allergies and psoriasis are non-existent and/or clearing up. These sicknesses had a spiritual root, and through this ministry and deliverance, that root has been exposed and destroyed. We really can't thank the Torell family enough for the work that they have done and continue to do. I was absolutely transformed after seeing the faith that these godly people have for our God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. It is more than just them. They have their family and life-long friends supporting them in ministry. We were blessed to have met the lovely people that run the whole operation. It blew our minds to see the love and desire they all have to reach the lost. UPDATEI wrote this testimony just a few days after being delivered. The process of writing out the details brought about more revelations and healing and I realize that God is not done with my process! I have occasionally had rash breakouts around my eyes, but since I never knew what this was about, I just decided it was a food allergy. I was crying in my sleep that night and woke up with streaks down my cheeks that were burnt by acid tears. I had to experience all this pain and examine any leftover bitterness I still possessed. I also experienced some familiar intestinal pain but I knew the pain had to be a spiritual root and not the food to which I was previously allergic. I am standing on the promise of God that I can eat anything that is on His menu and I don’t have to care about what I eat anymore for fear of an allergic reaction. God is so good to me and I was able to directly correlate the pain with the moments I was having memories come back. These were memories that I didn't even remember and had not brought up during my talk with Pastor John and Aina as we went through my past and the associated curses. I found out that I had some deeply suppressed traumas that were rooted in rejection. I had a man touch me inappropriately at church when I was 11 or 12 years old. I went to my mother but all she did was tell me to stay away from him; she did nothing to reprimand this man and protect others from him. I also remembered being molested by a girlfriend's father. At this point in my life, I knew that I could not tell my parents about what happened because my dad was tired of handling things with his daughters. I remember him telling my sister once, “Why does this stuff happen to you guys? I think you make it up.” As a result, I started suppressing these events because I didn't have anyone to support me. I felt disgusting and thought that I was somehow responsible for causing these events. I had one last painful moment during the night a few weeks ago. Utilizing Pastor John's experience in helping people with deep rejection, I have had no more pain. I have started to ask God to heal me and let the woman I was meant to be to come out. I found a song called, “He Knows My Name.” I played it several times and found myself crying and rejoicing. The tears didn't burn me and that night God hugged me in my dreams and told me that He has really missed me. I have never had a dream like this before; it was certainly from God. The rejection, traumas and bitterness is now in the past and I have no more pain. I know I am healed because I haven’t been without pain in over 15 years. The pain was like a severe menstrual cramp that would sometimes keep me bedridden and completely drain all my energy. All those years of trying to figure out the source of the problem! All the money wasted on different foods, diets, enzymes and tests with doctors. I am sure that if you name it I have tried it; I tried everything except God. I now eat according to the laws of the Bible and I am not inhibited by allergies to any foods. It was previously very difficult to cook and eat with friends or go to restaurants because of my special dietary needs. However, that is not the case anymore! I pray every day for God to reveal any unresolved issues. I have had some past sins and traumas come up and Pastor John and Aina have been very good to teach us that this would happen. Should a situation arise, I am well equipped to pray through these with Kristian and have the victory! I am still cleaning up and finding that I am getting closer to my Heavenly Father each day. Once I started on this path of looking into my past and repenting, it is such a blessing and worth the healing tears that need to fall! Amen! The best part is now I am learning Satan's game plan. Kristian and I are bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.
So now when I have a thought of rejection, I know where it came from and what to do with it! I pray the same for all you out there that are suffering. Give your life to God and see what He can and will do!
Back to Testimonies |
On
top of all this unbearable loneliness, my husband had a huge spending problem.
We were in debt up to our eyeballs and nothing ever changed. I lived in a
constant state of insecurity. At one point I was able to work and became debt
free! It felt wonderful but a year later we were in debt again. My husband was
always buying into programs and get rich quick schemes. One time he attended a
class at a hotel conference room and agreed to pay $15,000 for a real estate
class. He didn't consider asking me because he knew what my answer would have
been. We didn't have the money and our credit cards were maxed out, so he took
it out of our 401k. He also signed up for a loan program where he could sell
bi-weekly mortgages for a cost of $283 per month for two years. He never even
unwrapped the plastic on the material. We paid that huge monthly fee and it hurt
for two long years. He was led by the real estate sponsor to buy a couple four-plex
rental properties. We could not afford this on our income, because if there was
even one empty unit, the expense would come out of our pockets. I was promised I
wouldn't have to do a thing, but the burden of these properties fell completely
on me. After a year I had, what you would call, a “freak out.” I made him sell
the units and we ended up $45,000 in debt. I didn't care anymore; I was just
hoping we would lose everything to teach him a lesson. I continued for many
years to work as many jobs as I could to keep from losing our home. Most of the
time I had a full time job, a part time job and any extra work I could do on the
side. I was exhausted!
