Chapter 8 condensed: 3 Types of Men
Mr. Command Man
God is dominant — a sovereign and all-powerful God. He is also visionary —
omniscient and desirous of carrying out his plans. And, God is steady —
the same yesterday, and today, and forever, our faithful High Priest. Most
men epitomize one of these three aspects of God. No single man completely
expresses the well-rounded image of God.
A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and, on the
surface, a deficit in gentleness. They often end up in positions that
command other men. We will call them Command Men. They are born leaders.
They are often chosen by other men to be military commanders, politicians,
preachers, heads of corporations, and managers of businesses. Winston
Churchill, George Patton, and Ronald Reagan are examples of dominant men.
Since our world needs only a few leaders, God seems to limit the number of
these Command Men. These men see life as if they are looking from a high
mountain, they see the big picture rather than individual needs.
They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A
Command Man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents
her from serving him. If you are blessed to be married to a strong,
forceful, bossy man, as I am, then it is very important for you learn how
to make an appeal without challenging his authority. We will discuss how
to make an appeal later in this book.
Command Men have less tolerance, so they will often walk off and leave
their clamoring wife before she has a chance to realize that she is even
close to losing her marriage. By the time she realizes that there is a
serious problem, she is already a divorced mother seeking help in how to
raise her children alone. A woman can fight until she is blue in the face,
yet the Command Man will not yield. Yielding would be against his
personhood. He is not as intimate or vulnerable as are other men in
sharing hi s personal feelings or vocation with his wife. He seems to be
sufficient unto himself. It is awful being shut out. A woman married to a
Command Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will
stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient. When she has won his
confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme.
A King wants a Queen, which is why a man in command wants a faithful wife
to share his fame and glory. Without a woman’s admiration, his victories
are muted. If a wife learns early to enjoy the benefits of taking the
second seat, and if she does not take offense to his headstrong
aggressiveness, she will be the one sitting at his right side being
adored, because this kind of man will totally adore his woman and exalt
her. She will be his closest, and sometimes his only, confidante. Over the
years, the Command Man can become more yielding and gentle. His wife will
discover secret portals to his heart.
If you are married to a king, honor and reverence is something you must
give him on a daily basis if you want him to be a benevolent, honest,
strong, and fulfilled man of God. He has the potential to become an
amazing leader. Never shame him, and do not belittle him or ignore his
accomplishments. Make it your life’s goal to become his queen.
God is a Visionary as seen in his person, the Holy Spirit. He made some
men in the image of that part of his nature. Prophets, be they true or
false, are usually of this type. Some of you are married to men who are
shakers, changers, and dreamers. These men get the entire family upset
about peripheral issues, such as: do we believe in Christmas? Should we
use state marriage licenses? Should a Christian opt out of the Social
Security system? The issues may be serious and worthy of one’s commitment,
but , in varying degrees, these men have tunnel vision, tenaciously
focusing on single issues. They are often the church splitters and the
ones who demand doctrinal purity and proper dress and conduct. Like a
prophet, they call people to task for their inconsistencies. If they are
not wise, they can be real jerks who push their agendas, forcing others to
go their way.
Visionaries are often gifted men or inventors, and I am sure it was men of
this caliber that conquered the Wild West, though they would not have been
the farmers who settled it. Today, Visionary men are street preachers,
political activists, organizers and instigators of any front-line social
issue. They love confrontation, and hate the status quo. “Why leave it the
way it is when you can change it?” They are the men who keep the rest of
the world from getting stagnant or dull. The Visionary is consumed with a
need to communicate with his words, music, writing, voice, art, or
actions. He is the “voice crying out in the wilderness” striving to change
the way humanity is behaving or thinking. Good intentions don’t always
keep Visionaries from causing great harm. They can stir up pudding and end
up with toxic waste if they are not wise. An unwise wife can add to the
poison with negative words, or she can, with simple words of caution,
bring attention to the goodness of the pudding and the wisdom in leaving
it alone. Every Mr.Visionary needs a good, wise, prudent, stable wife who
has a positive outlook on life.
The wife of Mr.Visionary should be just a little bit reckless and blind in
one eye if she is going to enjoy the ride. If this is your man, you need
to learn two very important things (beyond how to make an appeal). Learn
how to be flexible, and learn how to always be loyal to your man. You will
be amazed at how much happier you will be and how much fun life can be if
you learn to just go with the flow — his flow. Life will become an
adventure. You will actually begin to feel sorry for the gals married to
the stick-in-the-mud, steady type. And once you get it into your head that
your husband does not have to be “right” for you to follow him, you will
FINALLY be able to say “bye bye” to your overwrought parents, even when
they are screaming that you are married to a crazy man. People looking on
will marvel that you are able to love and appreciate your husband, but you
will know better because you will see his greatness.
Greatness is a state of soul, not certain accomplishments. Over time, this
type of man will become more practical. If you are a young wife married to
a man whom your mama thinks is totally crazy — then you may be married to
Mr. Visionary. Right now, purpose in your heart to be loyal to him, and to
be flexible; then, let your dreamer dream. Lean back and enjoy the ride;
it should prove interesting. Visionary Man will talk and talk and talk to
his honey if she approves of him. He will be subjective, thinking about
feelings, moods, and spiritual insights. One of his greatest needs will be
for his wife to think objectively (proven truth) and use common sense,
which will help keep his feet from flying too far from solid ground. He
spends his life looking through a telescope or microscope, and he will be
stunned that what he sees (or thinks he sees), others do not seem to
notice or care about.
God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing, and faithful, like
a priest like Jesus Christ. He created many men in that image. We will
call him Mr. Steady — “in the middle, not given to extremes.” The Steady
Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea, and
he doesn’t try to tell other people what to do. He avoids controversy.
Being married to a Steady Man has its rewards and its trials. On the good
side, your husband never puts undue pressure on you to perform miracles.
He doesn’t expect you to be his servant. You do not spend your days
putting out emotional fires, because he doesn’t create tension in the
family. You rarely feel hurried, pushed, pressured, or forced. The women
married to Visionary Men look at you in wonder that your husband seems so
balanced and stable. The wife of Command Man marvels at the free time you
seem to have. If your dad happened to be a Steady Man, then chances are
you will appreciate your husband’s down-to-earth, practical life for the
wonderful treasure it is.
When you are married to a man who is steady and cautious, and you have a
bit of the impatient romantic in you, you may not see his worth and
readily honor him. You may be discontent because he is slow and cautious
to take authority or make quick decisions. A bossy woman sees her
husband’s lack of hasty judgment and calls her Steady husband
“wishy-washy.” His steadiness makes him the last to change, so he seems to
be a follower because he is seldom out front forming up the troops. There
is no exciting rush in him, just a slow, steady climb with no bells or
whistles. You wish he would just make up his mind, and that he would take
a stand in the church. He seems to just let people use him. There are
times you wish he would boldly tell you what to do so you would not have
to carry all the burden of decision-making.
Some women equate their husband’s wise caution and lack of open passion as
being unspiritual. His lack of spontaneity and open boldness may look like
indifference to spiritual things. However, he is like deep, deep water.
The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible, but it is,
nevertheless, very strong.
He will be confused with your unhappiness and try to serve you more, which
may further diminish your respect for his masculinity. Disappointment and
unthankfulness can make you wearier than any amount of duties. His very
steadiness keeps him on his middle-of-the-road course, and it will drive a
controlling woman crazy.
This is why many disgruntled ladies married to Mr. Steadys fall victim to
hormonal imbalance, physical illness, or emotional problems.
Know Your Man
Wives are very much flesh and blood, and as young women, we don’t come to
marriage with all the skills needed to make it start out good, let alone
perfect. When you come to know your man for whom God created him to be,
you will stop trying to change him into what you think he should be. The
key is to know your man. If he is Mr. Steady, you need to learn to be
thankful and to honor him as the one created for you in the image of God.
Your husband’s gentleness is not a weakness; it is his strength. Your
husband’s hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom. Your
husband’s lack of deep spiritual conversation is not a lack of caring; it
is simply the cap on a mountain of intense emotions.
If this describes your man, you need to learn how to stand still and
listen; then let God move your husband in his own good time. Ask God for
wisdom and patience. Seek to always have a gentle spirit. Stop expecting
him to perform for you, to pray with the family, to speak out in
witnessing, or to take a bold stand at church. Stop trying to stir him up
to anger toward the children in order to get him to feel as though he
understands how badly you are being treated. Let him be the one God made
him to be: a still, quiet, thoughtful presence — for you!
A Steady Man likes a woman to walk beside him, yet grow in her own right
before God and him.
He needs a resourceful, hardworking woman with dignity and honor. It is
important to Mr. Steady that his wife is able to be self-sufficient in all
the mundane tasks of daily living.
These men can be some of the most important men in the church, because
their steadfastness is sure, and their loyalty is strong. They make wise,
Typically, Steady Men do not become as well known as Command or Visionary
Men. They are not odd or stand-out men. They are not loud. They are
neither irritating nor particularly magnificent. Women and men alike envy
and desire a Command Man. People are often drawn and compelled by the
Visionary. But the Steady Man is taken for granted
Much of this book has been written to help young wives learn to honor,
obey, and appreciate the Steady Man just as he is.
Mr. Steady will enjoy the company of others and be most comfortable
spending time in small talk with whoever is around. Of the three types, he
is the one that will be most liked by everyone. Mr. Steady is always in
demand. He belongs to people. He does not focus on the eternal picture
like Mr. Command, nor is he looking through a microscope as Mr. Viosnary,
but he does respect both views as important. His vision is as a man seeing
life just as it is. He can shift his sights to the sky and know there is
more up there than he can see, and he wonders about it. Or, he can stare
into a muddy pond and appreciate that there is a whole world in there that
he knows nothing about. In most of life, he is a bridge between the other
two types of men. He is a very necessary expression of God’s image. Of the
three different kinds of men, it is more important that Mr. Steady have a
help meet who likes him just as he is.
Created To Be His Help Meet
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